This article follows on from ‘finding out your child has been sexually abused’ which is important to read first as it includes information on foundational support for your child.
Following sexual abuse, signs that your child may be struggling with what happened include:
- problems sleeping and nightmares
- aggressive or highly irritable behaviour
- play involving unusual or hostile themes withdrawal from other people
- low mood (often together with changes in how much they eat, sleep or socialise)
- spacing out, concentration difficulties or numbness
- signs of self-harm
- low self-esteem
- problems with school work
- otherwise unexplained physical symptoms such as headaches, dizziness, stomach pains
- placing themselves in risky situations
This list doesn’t cover everything. People express distress differently and children express things differently at different ages. These are just some of the more common difficulties.
Difficulties related to abuse can appear at a later point because of certain triggers or realisations.
These things could also mean that your child is struggling to cope with something else, such as stress related to school, friendships or family.
How to respond
If you notice any of these things, it is important to supportively talk to your child – asking how they are, what might be going on behind the behaviour or difficulty, and what support they might like. Help your child know that difficulties are normal following abuse and that they can be resolved, especially with support from others. Regularly check-in with them and encourage them to talk to you about how they’re thinking and feeling.
In terms of further support, one option is your child or you talking to your GP, who might then refer your child on to a mental health or therapy service. You could also find out whether there is specialist abuse-related support in your area by contacting The Survivors Trust.
In parallel, continue with your warm, loving approach towards your child, expressing to them the key messages discussed here. It’s important to be spending regular quality time together (meals, games, going out etc) and for life to include fun activities, play, and friendships. For most children, keeping everyday routines is also helpful.
Thinking about you…
It is important for you, as well as for your child and other family members, to make space to ‘process’ how you are feeling about it all, and receive any support you might need. This will help you to support your child effectively.